I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
