loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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