He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
