I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
