if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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