a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
