you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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