ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
