I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
