When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
