I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
