I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
