Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
