Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
