Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
