Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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