Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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