Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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