Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
