Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
