If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
