Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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