I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
