you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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