I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
