If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize