Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
