Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
