Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
