M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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