Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

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(419): View more from Ohio

This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?

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(631): View more from New York

Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.

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(240): View more from Maryland

I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy

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(760): View more from California

I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.

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(623): View more from Arizona

I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired

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