Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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