last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
