yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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