If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
