Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
