FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
