So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
