Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
