the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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