I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
