ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
