Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
