My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize