fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Barsexuality is the new black.
My balls are so social today.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
