Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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