Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
