Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize