At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
