We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
