So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
