batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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