Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
