This girl is more easily done than said...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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