I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
