Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
