Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
