i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
