Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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