can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
