Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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