3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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