She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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