i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
