We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
