and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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