just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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