yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize