Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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