everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
