then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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