I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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