I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
