Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
