I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
