my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
